


Lay you open

by heiwajaeger



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Denial of Feelings, Jealousy, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-05-28 04:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6315319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heiwajaeger/pseuds/heiwajaeger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life is hard enough when you are blessed with a ridiculous strenght and an extremely short-temper, but it can always get worse when you happen to be hopelessly in love with the biggest asshole on earth.<br/>Alternatively,</p><p>Shizuo is Very Done with everything and would like to take a break from Feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“And that’s why she couldn’t make it here!” Shinra finished, smiling wide despite the obvious despair in his voice.

Shizuo just glared at an invisible spot in the air. They had been together for almost two hours now, and Shinra spent the majority of that time rambling about Celty. More specifically, about why Celty couldn’t attend the party, despite he really looking forward to it since last week, and having though a lot of things to try out and say to her so she would just-yeah, Shizuo _really_ didn’t care.

They were late because, unfortunately, Shinra was one of the guys in charge to bring in the drinks (and he had poor tastes because-wine? What the fuck? _Who_ the fuck brings wine to a college party?), and so Shizuo had decided that he would accompany him and therefore supervise what kind of alcohol they, and mainly him, would be taking.

Rum. They had bought rum. _(“But Shizuo, you know I can’t handle vodka, it makes me emotional and sad! I would just ruin the party crying over my beloved Celty”_ ). And that was a nice point and all but-rum.

Shizuo hated rum.

“You’ve already told me this four times now, Shinra.” He said while dodging a kid crossing the street, apparently too busy reading something in his phone to notice Shizuo was just in front  of him. “She has shit to do. I get it. Shut the fuck up.”

Shinra didn’t seem the least offended by his statement, though. “Ah, I just can’t stop thinking this is going to be boring. For me, that is. You can go and hit on the girls at there! I heard they all are going to be very well-dressed. Big event, I’m sure!” despite saying this, he was wearing a worn out coat way too big for him, the sleeves so long it almost covered all of his hands. He didn’t seem to mind this, either. “I wonder what Celty would have worn… maybe a black dress or-are you listening to me, Shizuo?”

Shizuo never listened to Shinra, but that was an understatement. What made Shinra asked this, however, was that Shizuo suddenly looked gloomy, like he had somehow remembered a horrible thing that has just happened-or was about to.

The thing is, Shizuo doesn’t like parties. He doesn’t exactly like people, either, but that’s not the point. Point is he agreed to this, to come here with Shinra, because he was told it was a casual thing, just a bunch of people drinking together and laughing and shit, and Kadota, Celty and Shinra would be there too, so it would be funny. But Celty couldn’t make it (as Shinra has repeatedly stated) and Shizuo really, really doubted that Kadota was going to attend any event remotely formal.

Mostly because he himself wouldn’t have attended it. And that took him to the point.

“Shinra… whose party is this?” Shizuo very slowly, very carefully asked.

Shinra’ smile faltered.

For a long second, he seemed to be considering his options. It was almost seven in the afternoon, the sun was still very up in the sky, and there were a lot of people in the main street, the place they were currently standing at. Shizuo wasn’t fond of losing his temper in a crowded alley but, then again, he couldn’t exactly decide when he would lose it, so Shinra didn’t want to take any risks.

He smoothed out his coat, in lack of something better to do with his hands because Shizuo was carrying the bags ( _“I mean, you’re the strongest person I know, are you really going to make me carry these bags all the way to the apartment?”)_ and finally sighed.

“Well, I don’t know. I was invited by a partner of my biology class, a girl from third year. She said it would be funny and I mentioned it to Celty and she agreed, so I told you guys! But Kadota has an event, something about anime and stuff like that, with Karisawa and Yumasaki, so it seems it’s only us three. Anyway, I thought of-”

“What?” Shizuo stopped dead in his tracks. He would have dropped the bags, too, if it wasn’t for the fact he had paid half the bottles in there. Even though he actually really fucking _hated_ rum. “What three? If Celty and Kadota can’t make it, who else is coming with us?”

“Well, technically no one is coming with us. I think he’s already there.”

Since the exact second Shinra started looking nervous he knew it. Shizuo _knew_ who the third one was. He could feel it in his veins, boiling and burning everything under his skin, making him want to punch something, anything, so he wouldn’t feel the overwhelming desire to just _destroy_. Despite this, he asked it. “Who is ‘he’, Shinra?”

Shinra started off walking again, seeing as they had stopped in the middle of a crossing and there were cars honking at them to move the fuck out, and sighed.

“Izaya. And-yes, stop making that face, you don’t have to talk to him! Just pretend he doesn’t exist, I don’t know.” At Shizuo’s disgruntled look of absolute _betrayal_ , he smiled. “Ah… I honestly don’t know why you two are like this with each other. It’s stupid. Besides, as I said, there will be a lot of girls, and I heard one of them asked about you! The blonde one… a foreigner, I think. Her name is Veronica or Vanira…?”

“Vorona”, Shizuo mumbled. He had been all the time staring right at Shinra (trying to hopefully burn holes in his stupid goddamn _face_ ) but at the mention of ‘blonde girl’ he had rather abruptly cut off visual contact. He fortunately seemed to have forgotten about Izaya (at least for now), which was Shinra’s purpose all along. “Russia, or Ukraine, dunno. Yeah, she told me she was coming too.”

“Oh, so you are already talking with her! That’s a beautiful improvement in your relationship, you know. You two make a lovely couple! The both of you are so blond and… intimidating. Kind of aloof, to be honest, but oh well. Anyway, Celty and I make an obviously better couple, but that’s not the point! You finally like someone, I’m so happy, this is-”

“What?” Once again, Shizuo stopped walking, but they were already outside of the apartment, so Shinra didn’t care. “No. It’s not like that. She’s my friend.”

Shinra’ smile turned mischievous. “Oh. Does she know?”

From the front door where they were standing, a couple of girls came out. They were obviously drunk, so they probably came straight from the party, but weren’t wearing anything too formal. This didn’t surprise Shizuo, knowing Shinra was full of shit. They walked past the boys, eyeing the bags (which were transparent, and so they smiled at the sight of more alcohol), and kept on walking till they got out of hearing.

Then, Shizuo returned his offended glare at Shinra. “Does she know what?”

“That you’re not interested in her. I think she got it bad, you know.” While saying this, Shinra rang the front door’s bell. The second he did so, a cheerful voice said ‘ _come in! Second floor, door’s open_ ’ and let them in the building. Shizuo kept quiet for a time, and only spoke again when Shinra called the elevator.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. She doesn’t like me. I would have noticed.”

At this, Shinra blinked. Then laughed. Hard. At the promise of a punch in the face if he didn’t shut up, he finally gave his friend a sarcastic smile, like he knew something Shizuo wasn’t aware of.

Which was probably the case.

“Oh, Shizuo… you wouldn’t notice even if they _screamed_ it at you.”


	2. Chapter 2

_What the fuck_ was, quite eloquently, his mainly train of thought at the moment.

Shinra was (unsurprisingly) right about the fact that there would probably be a lot of people at the party. A sober person than the ones occupying the space in the whole goddam house would think that there were way too many people, considering the house wasn’t that big, so everything felt clammy, crowded and just plainly uncomfortable for Shizuo.

Although the majority were still dancing and jumping and screaming, there were already a few of them that had just blacked out, and were now forming a tiny mountain of sweated bodies in one of the rooms

It was disgusting.

You see, he wasn’t one for getting very drunk (if at all), so he was just the awkward guy with a cup standing in the corner of the main room (where everything had been removed so they could move around), looking tense as a bowstring, too afraid to even touch anything, lest he broke something.

He had also lost Shinra, almost immediately after entering the house, because he apparently wanted to greet every single person at the apartment and Shizuo would rather not have any of that, thank you very much.

This, too, was very unsurprising, but Shizuo was the only one to blame, really, for believing for a second that Shinra would be a decent friend and would not leave him alone in a house full of people which he had never spoke to in his life.

Maybe he should just go home.

“Shizuo?”

Or maybe not.

He turned around, expecting yet another stupid group of drunk little girls asking him if he wanted to dance (with who, exactly, he didn’t know, as they always asked him this in groups of three or four), but instead he saw Vorona. Fortunately she looked as repelled by everything as he was.

Shizuo let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, it’s just you.” He put the cup on the table (it was the third or fourth, but he didn’t felt any dizzier than before), and came closer to her, just so he could step further away from a guy that was suspiciously looking as if he was about to throw up.

She looked nonplussed as always, if maybe a little flustered by his closeness. “Yes, it’s me. You came alone? Where is Shinra?”

At that moment they heard a loud scream, followed by something crashing and unmistakably breaking, and the aforementioned boy popped up out of nowhere and looked at Shizuo with a dreamy expression in his face.

Shizuo would have bet his house and everything inside of it that Shinra didn’t even know where he was at the moment.

“Shizuo! I’ve been looking for you all night! Where have you been?”

“In the exact same place you left me when we came here. Where the hell have _you_ been?”

But Shinra wasn’t paying attention to him anymore. Instead he aimed his unfocused stare at Vorona, who started looking slightly worried. Mainly because he had yet to blink since he had appeared.

“Vorona! You were with Shizuo?” While saying this he started rocking back on his heels, looking like the extremely inebriated kid that he was. The blond had a bad feeling about the way he asked this, like he was expecting her to give him a candy or something.

“Negative, I just arrived here.”

Shinra deflected a bit at that, but then looked at Shizuo and smiled again. “Oh, okay! Anyway Shizuo, I think I’m leaving now. Celty is already home, and she is exhausted, so I thought of giving her a massage! What do you think?”

Shizuo picked up his cup again and took a sip of it. At the very least, he could leave too under the excuse of accompanying Shinra home, lest he fell down and broke his leg or something. “She’s going to beat your ass. But sure, go and try. I’ll tag along with you.”

“That’s fantastic!” He seemed even more excited than before, for some reason. “Goodbye Vorona!” He looked as if considering something, because he shut up abruptly, but seeing as he was as drunk as it gets he changed his mind. “I’m sorry my friend here is as dense as a rock. You’re going to have to be a little bit more straightforward, you know, he doesn’t do well with… subtlety. At all.”

Vorona looked confused. What subtlety? Why would she care if anyone was dense or not? She didn’t understand what this eccentric boy was trying to say.

Shizuo’s temper was considerably shorter. “Uh? What are you talking about now?”

The glassed boy just smiled again and ignored him altogether. “See? He’s only sharp when he doesn’t have to be. Anyway, we’re leaving now. Goodbye!”

She was going to say something (maybe bid them goodbye, or tell him that Shizuo was not dense, or that she didn’t have a clue what was all that about), but couldn’t do any of that, because a sharp, loud and high-pitched laugh cut the air.

“Shizu-chan! What do you think you’re doing in _my_ party?”

It was automatic, like one of those knee-jerking reactions. Shizuo’s grip on the drink gave out, and he felt the blood caused by the tiny pieces of glass in his left hand more than he felt the pain.

Shinra just sighed. “Oh heavens. Just when I was about to see Celty! Fate is truly a cruel thing!”

Shizuo turned around, and sure enough, Izaya was standing next to the fridge, looking way too pleased with everything. He was wearing black as usual. Black shirt, black tight pants, black shoes. _Black soul_ , Shizuo scoffed. Luckily though he wasn’t wearing that awfully infamous fur-trimmed coat.

“What the fuck are you doing here, flea?” He positioned himself between Vorona and Izaya, seeing as this one was looking at her rather curiously, as a cat would lazily spot a very uninteresting mouse on his house. The blond didn’t seem to notice his own actions, but Vorona did.

And so did Izaya, whose smile dropped.

“As a matter of fact, I happen to be the one who organized this. I, however, did not check who was invited. Otherwise you obviously wouldn’t be here.” He glanced at some place behind Shizuo. “Were you the one who told him, Shinra?”

Shinra, who has sobered up in a second upon the raven’s apparition and was now trying to sneak out the door without anyone noticing, flinched at being mentioned. He smiled faintly and spoke with a level tone “Yes, it was me! Just so you know, you weren’t the one who invited me, so I didn’t see a problem in him coming here.”

However, he didn’t need to worry, because Izaya wasn’t even looking at him anymore. His gaze was focused on Shizuo. More specifically, on his tense pose. For once he didn’t seem to be preparing himself to attack but rather to defend something.

Shinra thought vaguely that he could probably just leave anyway, since neither of them would notice. Or care. But he had plans on mind with Celty and didn’t want to be interrupted by any of them knocking at his door dripping blood at some unholy hour in the night, so he decided to just stay for the time being.

“My, I almost forgot my manners. I’m Izaya Orihara, pleased to meet you. Who are _you_?” He directed his most sweet, poisonous smile at Vorona, whose face showed discomfort for the first time in the evening. “I don’t recall inviting you, either, so I’d like to know it.”

At this Shizuo started. “Leave her alone.” He took a step closer to Izaya, who now looked like things were beginning to go his way again. “I wouldn’t have come if I’d known you were here.”

Izaya laughed. “Too bad, then! Next time I’ll text you in advance so you don’t have to bother coming to a place just to leave.”

Shinra, seeing as things were steadily coming to a dead end and not wanting to be in the middle of the chaos when it sure ensued, spoke to Vorona. “Why don’t we go have a drink? I’m actually thirsty myself!”

Vorona blinked and stared at him. “Uh? But I’m not-”

“Oh come on!” He took her hand and started leading the way. “We’ll be right back in a minute guys!”

But of course this fell on deaf ears, because neither of them did as much as sparing a glance at the retreating pair.

The house was full of people, but Shizuo couldn’t see anyone else anymore now that he had spotted the fucking flea. Now that he was looking at him, again, like he owned everything and anything that Shizuo has as much as touched.

He despised the way the raven would just sneak up on him when he less expected it, just to whisper some stupid taunt right in his ear and leave him stuttering and blushing like an idiot, while Izaya would just laugh and start running before he could gain his senses again.

He didn’t like the way he walked, all self-confidence and smirks. The way he talked, his flourish, his manners, his quirks. How he always seemed impassible. How he always was eager to know everything about anyone, just to be bored of them immediately after.

How he had never once looked bored of Shizuo.

Overall, he just hated Izaya fucking Orihara.

“What is this, Shizu-chan? I leave you alone for a minute and you get yourself a nice and pretty girlfriend?” He tilted his head and smiled, his mischievous gaze never leaving the blond’s face.

Shizuo faintly blushed, and glared at him. Somehow, at some point, he had moved closer to him, and now they were at barely a few inches from each other. “She’s not. I said, leave her alone. What the hell is it to you, anyway?”

Izaya shrugged. He was serious now, playing with the cup he had, turning it from hand to hand. “I don’t care either way. But just a moment ago you were standing in front of her like I was going to kill her or something, when I don’t even know who she is.”

The blond snorted and took a step back, feeling more at ease now for some reason. He vaguely glanced at his bloody hand. _I should probably treat that_ , he thought, frowning. “Yeah, well. As if that has ever stopped you before. The first time we met you tried to kill me with that goddamn stupid knife you’re always carrying around.”

The informant’s smile returned. “Ah, you see, that was an exception! I don’t usually try to kill people after immediately being introduced to them, mind you. But you’re not people, so there’s that.” He left the cup on the counter and briefly looked at Shinra, who was happily babbling about something to Vorona. She, however, was staring right back at Izaya. He waved at her. “How cute. She already hates me.”

Shizuo looked at the blonde who, sure enough, seemed to be trying to choose between staying by Shinra or just jumping the counter and slice Izaya’s throat. “No surprises there. She’s very perceptive with people, must’ve known you’re rotten just by a look at your face.”

The raven deadpanned at him. “Now that’s rude. She has nothing to do with you, why would I do anything to her?” He started walking in the blond’s direction, making him tense again. But Izaya stopped beside him, and reached for something in a cupboard. He wasn’t facing Shizuo anymore when he said, all casualness, “Nice shirt, by the way.”

This was also another thing Shizuo hated about him. Izaya would, at the most unexpected of times, compliment him about his appearance. It was usually something related to his clothes, or his hair, and it never failed to make the blond stop dead on his tracks, effectively cutting every thought he had at the moment.

At first he thought it was a joke, just another way of messing with him. But one time, back in Raijin, he had been talking with Shinra and Kyohei about his little brother, about how obvious it was that Kasuka had taken all the good genes, when suddenly Izaya had felt the impending need to supply his own input in the conversation.

“He’s cute”, he had said. He was staring out a window, resting his head in his left hand. His flickering gaze was following the people down below, in the courtyard of the school. It was almost summer, and the sunlight was reflecting on his eyes, making them look brighter. “He is also very easy to be around, seeing as he is so… quiet.” At this he smirked, his eyes never leaving his precious humans. “But I don’t think he is the ‘prettiest one’, as you Shinra has put it. His face is very symmetrical and graceful, and it is that same quiet and mysterious air around him that attracts girls, but I for one find him very boring.”

Shizuo, who has been kind of stunned after hearing ‘prettiest one’, growled at this. He was not going to stand the parasitic insect talking shit about his brother, and so he intended to let this be known.

But Izaya beat him to it.

He suddenly, sharply, turned his head around and teared his red gaze away from the window, focusing it entirely on Shizuo’s demeanor, absolutely ecstatic with the result his words had caused.

He grinned.

“After all, Shizu-chan is way more interesting than his brother.”

Upon that same day, the blond had decided they did not need to discuss anything related to his brother in front of Izaya. Ever. Again. And so, when the flea said things like that, Shizuo was left fighting his stupid, useless blush which would just not die down.

It was honestly embarrassing. And humiliating.

But more than anything it was irritating.

“Quit the crap. Can you, for once, play nice till we leave? I’m not in the mood for breaking every furniture there is in this apartment.” He looked at Shinra, who was already looking at him with an easy smile. He exhaled, more calmed now; if Shinra thought they were not in imminent risk of a fight, then they were probably not. Hopefully. “I already said I wouldn’t have come if I’d known you’d be here, so don’t whine about it.”

Izaya stopped pouring himself a drink and wrinkled his nose. Shizuo vaguely thought the image resembled him of an offended cat. “I am not whining about anything. I do not care if you stay or leave, as long as I don’t have to see your face.”

The blond smiled lightly, and glanced at him. “You were the one who came to talk to me. If you don’t want to see me turn around and go back to wherever the hell you were.” The informant was close to him again, and Shizuo could see the way his eyebrow twitched, the tiny freckle besides his nose, the curve of his long neck.

It was truly a disgrace how beautiful Izaya Orihara was.

“Okay, I’ll leave now. I will go back to ‘wherever the hell I was’, and you can go back to Shinra and that girl.”

“You mean Vorona.”

“I mean whatever the fuck I want. I don’t care about her name.”

Shizuo, unable to help himself anymore and to try and repress his amusement, laughed. “Oh my god. Are you jealous?” He was wholly facing him now, trying to identify the frown of the raven’s mouth that would confirm his accusation. “I thought so before because you were weird. But then again you are always weird.”

“You’re so funny. Why don’t you leave already?” Izaya’s expression was murderous now, and Shizuo was absolutely relaxed at this point, which resulted in Izaya being even more pissed off than before. Truthfully, Shizuo has assessed the level of danger he was in right now and has concluded there was none.

He would never tell Izaya this, however.

The blond, taking advantage of the fact the flea seemed determined to ignore Shizuo’s presence entirely at this point, leaned over him. He caged Izaya against the countertop, between his arms, and breathed over his ear.

Izaya tensed at this, but he did not flinch. He didn’t look in his direction, either. The informant just made it even more of a point not to acknowledge Shizuo.  

_Stubborn little shit._

“You know, if you want to say something, you can just do so.”

Izaya snorted. “Something about what, exactly?” He looked at Shizuo, who was intently staring at him. “I don’t have anything to say to you, of all people.” His sweet-coated smile returned. “Now, can you let me go, or do I have to slice your throat open?”

The blond kept looking at him, glancing between his eyes and his lips for a moment. He was so close, now. They’d been like this a lot of times in the past. After a fight, in the strange cases in which he would catch Izaya (or, more realistically, in which Izaya chose to get himself be caught), they would end up like this, too close.

Too close to speak coherently, to look at anything other than Izaya’s face. Izaya’s dark hair, Izaya’s pale skin, Izaya’s red eyes, Izaya’s lips.

Izaya.

And some part of him, some tiny, concealed and quite embarrassing part of him, would say: ‘ _you know, you could beat him up BUT you could also just KISS him_ ’ and he would always tell his own inner voice to shut the fuck up.  

Which would consequently lead him to think, ‘ _but what if I just kissed him_?’, and those were the moments in which he would abruptly let Izaya go, turn around, feel incredibly stupid and miserable, and leave.

He could not kiss Izaya. Because Izaya was poison. He was a bad person. He was manipulative, cold-hearted, a liar. He did not care about anyone other than himself. He could not kiss Izaya because Izaya was trouble. He himself wasn’t exactly the epitome of a good, healthy and calm lifestyle, but at the very least he was trying. God knew he tried. He could not kiss Izaya because Izaya brought out the worst in himself. Everything that he had ever hated about his monstrous strength was exposed the moment the flea was around.

But, if he had to be perfectly honest with himself, he knew the main reason he could not kiss Izaya, not now, not ever, was because Izaya hated him.

He despised him. Shizuo could see it in the way his eyes would get dark, his voice would start dripping venom, his tongue would get sharper and would cut anyone who dared be in Shizuo’s vicinity. He knew that, even if Izaya could never hate him as much as he hated himself, it came very close to it.

And that exact thought was the one that, every time and without exception, made him stop every motion he was doing (or wishing he could do) so he would not kiss Izaya.

It was exhausting.

He never asked for any of this.

“Fuck” Shizuo murmured, turning around and leaving, not sparing a glance at Izaya to see what expression he was making. A mocking one, probably. He started to look for Shinra, but didn’t have to, seeing as this one was already by his side.

“Well?” the glassed boy asked, his smile unsure. “How was it? Did you fight?”

“No”, came the gruff reply. “Let’s get out of here. Where is Vorona?”

Shinra was looking curiously at him, like he was trying to decipher some kind of riddle without paying too much attention to it. “She already left. So, everything went well? You’re telling me you didn’t fight?”

“Can you see anything broken?” Shizuo’s fingers were twitching for a cigarette. He was annoyed. He wanted to be home. He knew his friend wasn’t to blame for any of this, but he couldn’t help but be pissed off about everything, and he wasn’t in the mood for a long conversation with Shinra which would undoubtedly end in him being uncomfortable, trying (and failing) not to think too much about Izaya and how much of a failure he was. “Just. Can we leave, please?”

Shinra considered him for a second, but then smiled brightly. Shizuo felt himself starting to relax, again. “Sure! Do you want to come by and say hi to Celty?”

They started heading for the door, and Shizuo felt suddenly extremely tired, like all his energy had been spent in trying not to destroy something. Himself, probably. “Nah, thank you. I think I’m going to sleep. I’m kind of tired.”

Shinra shrugged. “Suit yourself.” Then his manic smile and his glassy, dreamy gaze were back at full force. “Oh, Celty! I’m finally going to be by your side! This day has been horrendous without you.” He then proceeded to blabber about her, which caused Shizuo to promptly tune him out and smile despite himself because, honestly. Shinra was as ridiculous as it could get.

Then, and just before they passed through the door, he felt a prickling in the back of his neck. Like someone was staring at him. Like someone was trying to stop him from leaving just by the sheer force of their will. Shizuo didn’t need to look around to know who that person was, yet he did it anyway.

But when he turned around, Izaya wasn’t there anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has been in my drafts for months now and i thought 'why the fuck NOT' but please do not think for a moment that i know where this is going  
> anyway if you spot any mistakes please tell me!


	3. Chapter 3

Celty had had a long day. She had been all morning running errands, from one point of the city to the other. In her blissfully innocent mind, she had planned to just spend the rest of the afternoon slouched on the sofa, watching recorded shows she kept for the rare and special occasion of a day off. The pressure of the 'Big Event', as Shinra had grown fond of calling it, was setting in the line of her shoulders, making her feel more on edge than usual.

Last week Shinra had found out Celty had been roaming the world for 100 years already, and he saw fitting to celebrate it, like it was her birthday. And one of Shinra's many, many presents to her, was to move out to a bigger house in the center of the city, so it would be easy for her to carry out her job as a courier. This meant she had spent the last few days sorting out their things, trying to decide what they should keep and what they should throw away, and it was a surprisingly exhausting activity.

Shinra had been doing the same, but he was irritatingly procline to keep every tiny little item that reminded him of her. Which was basically everything they owned, making this stupid, easy task incredibly tedious.

So, all in all, she was tired and just wanted some time to relax.

However, what she did not consider, was that her plan would be mercilessly crushed by her best friend, who had almost knocked down their front door exactly ten minutes after she arrived, with the impending, demanding need to unleash his frustrations.

She sighed. So much for her day off.

Shizuo didn't as much as nod in her direction before he started venting.

"I fucking hate him." In less than three long strides he was already in their living room. He vaguely glanced at his surroundings, at the bare walls and the minimal furniture in the house. Shinra was rummaging through a box ( _"Good afternoon, Shizuo! Do you want to help me with this?"_ ) but he just ignored him and sit down on the couch. "I swear to fuck I'm going to kill him." He suddenly looked at Celty, staring at her for a few seconds like he just remembered he actually came to see _her_ , before frowning and blurting out, "where have you been all morning?"

She closed the door and walked towards him. He was, again, scrutinizing the house, and his gaze lingered for a moment in a framed picture of him and Celty, a couple of years back, in this same room. When he looked at her again his eyes were softer at the corners. She took a sit besides him and showed him her phone. [Hello to you too. I've been working.] She then faltered a little, but after a second started typing again. [What about you? Did something happen with Izaya?]

He narrowed his gaze and glared, but she knew it wasn't specifically aimed at her, it rather was that she happened to be in the near vicinity whereas Izaya was not. "He sent me a picture of one of those flyers of a missing dog and asked why did I have to do such a thing as concern my family like that."

Shinra's obnoxious laugh made him turn around and, in his haste, almost knock the table down. "Shut up! This is all your fault!"

The glassed boy, who was sprawled on the floor, surrounded by pictures, packages and clothes, just kept on examining the contents of the box. Despite having the strongest man of Ikebukuro glaring at his back he didn't seem to be even slightly concerned by the fact. "Why is that my fault? And what did you reply?'"

"I told him to go fuck himself. And it's your fault because you gave him my number, you useless excuse of a friend."

Shinra merely shrugged his shoulders and took one of the books, inspecting it curiously. "He asked me if I had it. Which I did."

"And you just _gave_ it to him?" he was incredulous. Celty had her hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down, silently asking him not to lose his temper over something stupid that Shinra had said. Yet again. "Do you know how many texts he sends me? How annoying it is to be woken up at four in the morning by the goddamn louse?"

"He does it to catch your attention", he said like he was talking about an universal truth, like it was something basic known by the majority of the human population, waving his hand like this topic had already consumed too much of his time. "Just don't answer him next time." He then got to his feet and crouched down next to them, offering the book he had been scrutinizing. He was smiling rather manically, which was never a good sign. Shizuo cautiously relocated himself far away from him, putting as much distance between them as possible.

Of course, this didn't deter Shinra in the least.

[Is that our photo album?] Celty opened it and some happy tendrils puffed out of her neck. This poked at Shizuo's interest, so he leaned over her shoulder and looked at the first picture. Sure enough, it displayed a very young Shinra Kishitani, in what was probably his father's lab coat, which hung around him too low and made him look even tinier than what he really was. He was smiling brightly, showing off some biology diploma. [How old were you?]

Shinra hummed. He had been staring at Celty, so he glanced down at the album to see what was she talking about. "Oh. That was middle school, so... 13 or 14, probably?"

Shizuo snorted. "Jesuschrist. You've always been hideous."

Celty's quite trembles let him known she was actually laughing, so he smirked and rested his chin in her shoulder, trying to get more comfortable, still looking at the picture.

Shinra grimaced, but in a second his face lighted up and he swiftly jumped from his slouch on the floor, turning the page of the album and startling Shizuo with the motion. "Well yes, not all of us can be as astoundingly beautiful as you, Shizuo!" Noticing the teasing undertone in his voice, Shizuo lifted his gaze and promptly regretted it as he saw the impish glee in his eyes. "Or as pretty as Orihara has always been! Look at him here, this is the only picture he let me take of him."

But of course Shizuo didn't hear the last part. At the mention of 'Orihara' he zeroed in on the album, which now showed two young boys in Shinra's old backyard. One of them was grinning brightly, his eyes closed and a delighted expression on his face. He looked casual and cheerful, wearing his old uniform and exposing the same diploma from the other picture.

His stance shocked profusely with the other boy's.

Izaya wasn't looking at the camera. In fact, he was almost pretending the camera didn't even exist. He was clearly uncomfortable, his shoulders hunched, his eyebrows pinched. He was frowning (although Shizuo was positive that wasn't a frown but a _pout_ ), hands in his pockets and wearing the same uniform that Shinra was using.

Unfortunately, he was indeed pretty.

"Why is he so distressed?" he murmured, more to himself than to any of them.

But Shinra answered it anyway.

"He doesn't like having his picture taken", he perched himself on the low table, in front of them, and started searching for something in the room with his eyes. Probably another album. "He agreed to this one because it was my birthday, and that same day we won a Biology Contest! Actually I won it. He didn't show up."

Shizuo teared his gaze away from the disgruntled figure in the picture and frowned. "Why did you want to take a photo with him, then?"

Shinra looked at them again and flashed him a big, innocent smile. Shizuo grimaced. "Why, because he was my friend, of course!"

Celty suddenly perked up, and typed on her phone. [I remember this day! This is when I first met him, isn't it?]

Shinra focused his stare on her again, his smile softening and the gleam in his eyes more authentic. _Creepy_ , Shizuo thought. "Yes! Oh, Celty, how nice it is that-"

"Can I keep it?"

He was aware that, objectively, Celty couldn't be staring at him with a shocked expression. But he had the impression that, would she had a face to show confusion, she would be looking at him as if he had grew a second head.

Shinra, on the other hand, was unimpressed.

"What?", Shizuo grumbled. He was getting uncomfortable under the unrelenting attention. "Next time he texts me some stupid shit I'll send him this. That'd shut him up."

Shinra blinked, then shrugged, letting it be known how little he cared about it. "Alright. But he will probably just break in your house to take it." Watching as Shizuo started removing the photo from the album, his eyes suddenly widened, and he looked at his blond friend with a perplexed expression. "Oh, by the way! Can you help me tonight with something?"

"With what?"

Shinra deflected. "With... something."

This very vague and unsatisfying answer made him almost grip the picture with too much force, but he focused his efforts in trying to identify something in his friend's face that would give him away about what that _something_ really was. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"It's a surprise!" he very not subtly glanced at Celty, who was fortunately turning a page on the album, and then smiled at Shizuo, "is it okay if I swing by at your place at ten?"

The blond waved him off, getting to his feet and putting the picture in his wallet. "Yeah, whatever. I'm leaving now." He flicked Celty's shoulder lightly on his way out, which startled her and made her put down the book."I'll see you tomorrow."

[Good evening, Shizuo.]

Shinra walked him to the front door, his light smile innocuous enough that it would fool a different person. But when they were out of Celty's range of vision, Shizuo glared at him. "Quit the crap. What's up?"

Shinra' smile was brighter, if that was even possible. He started making this little jumping dance in the place, like he couldn't stand to be still for more than two seconds. This always meant it was something related to Celty, so he relaxed. "I bought her a present! But I can't keep it here, so I thought I'd leave it at your place till her birthday."

Shizuo blinked. "Oh. So you-"

"Also!" he hurriedly interrupted him, offering an apologetic smile. Which meant he wasn't apologetic in the least. Because Shinra Kishitani was never sorry. For anything. "The place I'm getting it from is kind of shady, so it'd be nice if you would come with me."

Shizuo frowned. "I knew it!" Shinra made a gesture to be silent then, glancing anxiously at the living room. Shizuo lowered his voice, but he was furious now. "I knew it. You want me to be your damn bodyguard?"

"I want you to come with me to protect me if anything happens!", he exclaimed offended, like what he had just say wasn't exactly what Shizuo was accusing him to be doing. Shinra opened the front door and prompted Shizuo to get out, "I'll be in your place at ten. Thank you, Shizuo!"

He grinned again (although this time he did so openly showing more of that psychotic nature Shizuo was so unfortunately used to) and slammed the door shut in the blond's face.  
"God dammit."

He left his friend's house fuming, choosing to take the stairs, seeing as he didn't felt he had the patience required to wait for the elevator. While leaving the place, he looked up, and saw the sky was a light, gloomy grey.

Something was off. Something about what Shinra has said made him uneasy. He couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was, but, as he walked past his old school and thought of the picture hidden in his wallet, of red eyes and black hair, he came to the conclusion that, for better or worse, he'd found out that night.

* * *

The sun had already set by the time he woke up.

He couldn't tell what time it was, but the tv was on and he felt every joint in his body crack while he got to his feet. Shizuo stretched, momentarily disoriented as to what was it that had woken him up in the first place.

He remembered dozing off to some show about a serial killer ( _which reminded him, had he done his essay for politics yet? he didn't know_ ), and he did recall having eating something immediately after arriving to his dorm.

But nothing else.

_"It's me, Shinra! Come on and open already!"_

_Goddammit._

So that's what had woken him up.

He glanced at the door ( _and was he hearing things? because that sounded terribly similar to someone whispering something, and he doubted Shinra had already lost it so much as to start talking to himself_ ) and briefly considered the possibility of simply pretending not to be home. He honestly didn't feel like getting outside; he was cold, and he had a gnawing suspicious about all of this, he felt like something was off.

_"I know you're in there. I can see the lights on, you know."_

Shizuo closed his eyes and inhaled. Deeply. So much for his escaping plan.

He started picking up his clothes ( _why the fuck were all of them on the floor, anyway? Was he really this tired when he got home?_ ) when someone whispered, again.

And then he heard it.

A laughter.

A high-pitched, venom-filled, false, hollow, _disgusting_ laughter.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

He sauntered to the entrance in two long strides and smacked the door open, rattling hinges threatening to come down on all of them.

On all _three_ of them.

"Shizuo, finally! Took you long enough! What were you doing?" Shinra smiled, a sincere and alarmingly blindly smile in how honest it was. But, again, Shizuo didn't lose time with him.

" _You_ " he growled, looking past Shinra and into the shadows of the hall, and Shinra's smile deflated in his face as he sighed and stepped aside and towards the room, as to look for a safe place in the battleground that was bound to become of the place. Izaya was left there alone, all too satisfied with himself now that he had the entirety of Shizuo's attention on him. "What the fuck are you doing here. You don't even have to be here. I don't _want_ you here."

Izaya feigned being hurt. "Shizu-chan, that's mean", he mocked. "I came to see you, of course." Without Shinra as a physical barrier between them, now he was able to see Shizuo properly. Staring for a few seconds somewhere below Shizuo's neck, he averted his gaze and murmured, "although you could have put something on first."

Shinra's boisterous laughter came from inside the house. "That's right, Shizuo! You might want to dress up before you cause Izaya an aneurism. Come on, we have to be there in twenty minutes!"

Izaya started at that. "I do not-"

"Shut the fuck up", said Shizuo, promptly shutting the door on his face.

He counted to ten backwards in his mind, taking deep breaths, before turning around and staring down at Shinra, who sure enough was humming a joyful tone. "What. Is he doing here."

The glassed boy was curiously skimming the place, picking up pieces of clothes and throwing them at Shizuo, who catched them by sheer reflex. "He knows the guy that will give me the present for Celty!" he said while tossing a shirt in the blond's general direction. He then paused and squirmed a but. "Okay, so it's not exactly completely legal. I think. Anyway, Izaya was who talked me about him."

Shizuo was bouncing on one leg, trying to fasten up his pants, and grumbled, "of course he did."

"So!", Shinra continued ignoring him, "let's go, and open the door already! He must be fussing like a cat, all there alone by himself. That's rude." But he didn't seem to care all that much, as he flopped down on the couch and looked at Shizuo. "Can you hurry it?"

"I'm on it, jesus. Okey, listen, if he tries something funny-"

"He will not." Shinra looked pensive. This meant whatever he was going to say was undoubtedly bound to piss Shizuo off. "Do you think Celty would look better in black or red lingerie?"

Shizuo sighed. He ought to reconsider his choices in friends.

* * *

It wasn't yet midnight but the cold air of early february made Shizuo regret not having brought something to put on (other than the shirt Shinra had halfheartedly thrown at him). They were in a part of town he wasn't familiar with, tall building framing a tiny park so hidden from view he didn't know they had arrived untill Izaya said so.

It was shady and suspicious and so typical of the flea that he rolled his eyes.

"We're here!", he announced while positioning himself between them and the entrance of the park. There were a few lamps, but they were poorly lit, and did nothing to hide the way Izaya tipped his chin upwards and looked at Shinra. _And only at Shinra_ , Shizuo thought amused, because he haven't looked at him since they left his apartment.

It was apparent he was still mad at being left alone in the hall of the dorms, so he had opted to ignore the blond altogether as some stupid kind of revenge.

It was also apparent that he had the mindset of a five years old.

Somewhere to their left they heard something that sounded suspiciously like a gun going off.  
Shinra remained unfazed.

"Did you tell them we're here?", he looked severely concerned. "Did they bring _it_?"

"Alright", Shizuo started, cigarette hanging from his lips and he couldn't find his lighter, "what the fuck did you buy for her that you had to go get it in the middle of the goddamn night?"

Shinra's face lighted up (and only now it occurred to Shizuo that he hadn't really _asked_ that question yet, so maybe that's why Shinra hadn't told him), and he started walking towards the blond while beaming. "Oh, Shizuo, she's going to love it! You see, the other day we went to the zoo-"

Shinra was cut off by a cold, low voice talking in a different language.

Izaya, who had been leaning against a tree and scrutinizing the shadows of the park, didn't looked surprised and straightened himself up, taking confident strides towards the man and speaking back in a perfect accent.

_Show off._

Shizuo knew this was russian since the stranger had opened his mouth, but not because he was familiar with the language in any way or form. He knew next to nothing about russian. He barely could say two words in english.

Unfortunately, he would recognize that dialect and accent anywhere because Izaya sometimes would start murmuring things under his breath when he thought nobody saw him.

At first Shizuo thought he did it to piss him off, because he couldn't understand shit and he was positive the flea was just fucking with him. But Izaya was reading something, and curiosity made him cast a glance at the book he had been holding at the time. It wasn't the Roman alphabet, and it sure as hell wasn't japanese. He had scoffed at the sight and kept on with his things, and forgotten all about it.

But then Izaya used that stupid, gruff, _infuriating_ tone again while talking to him. 

They were fighting and Shizuo had tore his shirt with a scampered, broken table on the campus. He had cursed, and although he couldn't even feel the wide gash dripping blood on his lower back, the feeling of wet material sticking to his skin was making him sick. So he took his shirt off and, in one of his Classical Shizuo Moves, threw the shirt as hard as he could all across the campus, leaving him very much semi naked.

Izaya had stared at him, still panting from the chasing. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes were dark. He smiled (a slow, lazy smirk) and said one single word in that stupid language, something that sounded like 'meelee'.

Although Shizuo didn't have a single clue about russian, he could get an approximate idea as to what that word was supposed to mean.

So he had blushed to his roots, turned around and left.

And since then he couldn't hear that hideous language.

Now here in this park with a calmer mind, he thought getting so bothered by something as simple as Izaya talking russian was _ridiculous._

He took a step back and pretended to be very interested in the nightly cityscape in case his souther body decided to start some funny business.

He risked a glance at Izaya (and feigned he didn't see the knowing smirk Shinra was aiming at him) and noticed that there was another guy behind the man talking with the flea. He had a carton box (a very moving carton box), and he hadn't seen him before because he was hidden in the shadows of the trees. But now that he was actively looking, he realized the stranger was staring at him.

Shizuo had learnt to identify and subsequently react to different kind of stares throughout his life. Most of them were frightened, scared stares. Some of them were cocky and daring, wanting to prove themselves against the monster of Ikebukuro in front of his friends.

But this guy was looking at him like he would look at a particularly hard problem of maths.

"Who are you?"

Despite the question being directed to Shizuo, Izaya was the first one to stop talking and look at the man.

"Heiwajima. I'm Shizuo Heiwajima."

The man came towards them (and que squirming box was making Shizuo fairly nervous) and stopped in front of him.

"I know you."

Shizuo frowned. Had he hit this guy and he couldn't remember? It was possible. When he gets angry his vision gets all fuzzy and red, and he can't seem to be able to feel anything but the distinct need to destroy, so all in all it was possible he had punched this guy at some point in his life and now he couldn't remember.

It made him nauseous.

"Look, if I-"

"That's right!", the man suddenly beamed. Someone on his right (he thought it was Shinra) made a chocked noise and murmured a soft ' _don't_ '. "You look like that actor on the tv! Ya know, the serious one. Hanejima... something. You remind me of him!"

Before he could open his mouth to say something (don't talk about him don't say his name we're nothing alike don't _insult_ him), a lighthearted voice talked.

"Are you still drunk, Ren-san? Shizu-chan looks nothing like him!" he then took the box off a very startled man, looking at Izaya and trying to discern when exactly had the informant walked to stand beside him. "Anyway, we're done here. It's a pleasure doing business with you, gentlemen." His cold smile seemed to placate the man, who quickly shut up and gazed down to the ground. He then looked at the other man and said something in russian. "Here, you take this Shinra."

Shinra seemed marginally relieved but otherwise indifferent to the radiating tension coming from Shizuo. He took the box from Izaya's arms ( _and really, no one was going to comment on how that thing kept on moving?_ ) and started walking towards the gate of the park, a light smile on his lips and humming a soft tune.

The man who had talked to Shizuo seemed to sense he had rightfully dodged a bullet he wasn't aware was aimed at him, and with a gruff "goodbye, then" he left following the retreating form of his partner in the opposite direction.

Shizuo took a breath.

"You didn't have to do that", he murmured. "It's not like I was going to hit him or something."

Izaya shrugged and started walking, looking at the skipping figure of Shinra ahead of them. "You were to. And Shinra wouldn't have got the present and I wouldn't have heard the end of it."

They were walking at a leisure pace, and Shizuo thought it wasn't a common event that he was casually strolling down the streets with Izaya by his side and he didn't have in mind the impending need to uproot a vending machine and throw it at his head.

The crisp air blowed some locks of Izaya's hair, and he noticed that he wasn't wearing the damn fur-trimmed jacket. Instead he had a sweatshirt (black, of course) and jeans. It was a dull enough outfit that somehow brought out even more the sharpness in his features; the angles of his cheeks, the dark light in his eyes. It made him think of the photo he still had on his wallet, of a harsh person too lonely and too proud to look around him and notice he was alone.

Shizuo decided to derail this particular train of thought.

"Anyway", he cleared his throat, "what's in the damn box?"

Izaya stalled his movements and looked at him, an incredulous smile creeping up his features. "You don't know? You came with him and you don't even _know_?"

Well, he didn't have to know everything that happened on Shinra's life. In fact he didn't have to know. Shizuo did recall he had told him that he and Celty had been to the zoo, but-

"You have to be fucking kidding me", he breathed. "He said he went to the zoo the other day. Is that...", and he lowered his voice, as if afraid someone was going to hear him. "Is that an animal or something?"

Izaya laughed. A genuine laugh, as if he were surprised it wasn't blatantly obvious. Aware of his own slip on the so called Ignore Shizu-chan for the Rest of the Night, he started walking again, averting his gaze and looking back at Shinra. "It's a kinkajou. Celty said it was cute, so he obviously bought it."

Shizuo snorted. " _Obviously_."

"They are illegal, tho. But my friend over there happen to have the sources to..." he then faltered, looking for the adequate word, " _satisfy_ the most eccentric's petitions of their clients."

"And what do you get out of this?" Shizuo narrowed his eyes, because the flea didn't do charity. Not for Shinra, not for anyone. But he failed to see how going out in the middle of the night to get an animal from some shady guys was benefiting him in any way. Unless he was getting commission. But then again, how much had paid Shinra for this? How money had Shinra _exactly_ lost? Because he knew for a fact the second Celty saw that thing it would be out of their house.

Izaya's eyes briefly widened, and he started walking more urgently. "Oh, you would be surprised."

Then his phone went off, and he distractedly glanced at it. A tiny frown formed between his eyebrows, and Shizuo got the distinct, ridiculous thought that he could kiss it away. They were close, again, ( _and he didn't know how he always ended up like this_ ). He only had to lean down a little, and crane his neck to the left. The thought was as imminent as it was uncalled for. He swallowed and marvelled at Izaya, who was capable of reading whatever it was on his screen perfectly calm with himself when he was having an emotional crisis in the middle of the street.

He could do this. "Izaya-"

"I have to go."

He blinked. He would have thought it was rude, but then again Izaya didn't know he was about to kiss him.

 _Couldn't know_ , he corrected himself with some lingering doubt.

"Oh. Right."

Izaya looked up at him, noticing something wrong in his voice, and Shizuo got the absurdly impression that he was searching for something in his eyes. Permission? Confirmation? It made him squirm a bit and feel tinier than he was.

At least, he smiled. A satisfied, cat-like smile. "Try not to miss me too much, Shizu-chan."

And like that he was gone.

Shizuo stood there dumbfounded for a solid fifteen seconds and then ran untill he matched Shinra's pace.

"You do know Celty's not going to like that, right."

"What are you talking about!", he exclaimed. He seemed genuinely confused, like he couldn't stand the concept of Celty not liking something he had given her. "She's going to love it! Do you want to see it?"

"Fuck no. And I'll keep it tonight but tomorrow you look for someone else to have this thing in their house."

Shinra hummed. They kept on walking for a few minutes in silent, but Shizuo knew Shinra was going to say something. Because he was obnoxious and nosy like that.

He was right.

"So", he started, perfectly content with the world. "How did things go with Izaya?"

Shizuo sighed. "Are you still with that?"

"It's hard to talk about something else when all you two do when you are together is stare at each other like a couple of dumbstruck lovebirds."

He growled into his hands. "He's a _pest_. Why did he come, anyway? What does he get of this?"

Shinra cackled, and the kinkajou in the box stopped moving, no doubt sensing he was in mortal danger of being throw off by the unstable guy holding it. After a couple of seconds (and Shizuo's threat to shut him off himself if he didn't quit it right now), he smiled up at Shizuo and answered.

"He said he only would help me if you came with us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry for the delay but my laptop died on me and then i had all my exams and then my laptop died on me AGAIN and i had to write this chapter like 4 times so yeah  
> anyway!!!! im not super happy with the way this came out but on a bright side i have more or less planned where this is going, FINNALLY, so thank you for waiting, and if you spot any mistake please do tell me because i havent slept in three days and im not sure i can even see anymore


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